For Jeff

Both this poem and the next are ones that I found in my drafts from December, just weeks after Jeff died.  I've been missing him a lot lately, as I know I always will.  This month will only mark half a year since he left and it feels like it was both yesterday and years ago.

if I could have planned your goodbye
it'd be just you and me
sitting beside one another.
you'd read Bukowski
while I sipped wine
and the stars would watch.
I'd lean in close
but we wouldn't touch
electricity vibrant.
this isn't about you
I'd say when your voice grew tired
this is my goodbye.
the night would grow
upwards and outwards
infinitely.
you'd talk of the moon
and other beautiful things
and I would drift off.
but when you'd get up to leave
I'd wake so you'd settle
infinitely.
I have to go
you'd tell me
but this is my goodbye.
and we'd wait in that moment
with poetry and the night
infinitely.