Soft

I am soft.  I am sensitive.  I have a tendency to cry over commercials and people's stories.  This used to be something I struggled with.  I used to try to harden my heart and not let my emotions show because it made people uncomfortable.  But now, the older I get, the more I embrace my softness.

Empathy is not something to be ashamed of.  Compassion is not something to hide.  I have a delicate heart and I think it's rare to find one of those in today's society, so why am I trying to be more concrete?  I tell my friends that I love them, and I tear up, that's me being gut-wrentchening honest.  I tell someone that a comment or remark hurt my feelings, and tears spring to my eyes, that's proof that I've been wounded.

This morning around 2:30a, I woke up crying.  I'm a very vivid dreamer so dreams often make brief connections to my life.  In this dream, I was being followed by a dentist who wanted my teeth.  My teeth aren't that fantastic, though maybe after years of braces he wanted to reclaim them.  Anyway, the dream gets darker as I start dating this guy and the dentist grows jealous, wanting me and my teeth for only himself.  One night as he's following me to a date, he grabs me and rapes me.  I woke up crying, face already wet as if I'd been crying for some time.  I then rolled, grabbed my phone, and text this boy about the dream and how I couldn't stop crying.

Wait, wait, wait?  I text a boy and told him I was crying?  Do I have no game?  Honestly, I do not.  There was a time years ago when I was dating a different boy who would make offhanded comments that would hurt me.  Instead of telling him how these words affected me, I'd take a shower.  I would leave whichever room we were in and go take a shower.  If we were out doing something, I'd wait until we got back to his place and I would hop in the shower.  So I could cry and be hurt in peace.  Wonder why that relationship didn't work....

So what this long, tangent-y, jumpy post is about is crying.  Being okay with crying.  Being proud of telling people how you feel in words or displays.  Don't let the world harden you too much.  You have a beautiful, soft soul and they're only becoming more and more rare.